Am I being Gaslighted?

Have you ever wondered if you’ve been exposed to emotional abuse? Do you feel confused by a person’s behavior and wonder if the person is manipulating you? Maybe gaslighting is at play. Gaslighting is a kind of emotional violence used to gain control of someone by misleading and unsettling them. It is insidious and sometimes covert; the abuser makes the victim question their sanity, judgments, and reality.

What is Gaslighting?

Gaslighting is a kind of emotional violence used to gain control of someone by misleading and unsettling them. It is insidious and sometimes covert; the abuser makes the victim question their sanity, judgments, and reality.

Anyone can be a victim, but we mostly observe gaslighting in relationships. It is a common technique used by abusers, dictators, narcissists, and cult leaders. Though gaslighting is mostly seen in relationships, we can witness it among friendships, family members, or even co-workers as well.

How do I know I am being gaslighted?

Certain signs can show you being Gaslighted by your husband/partner,

1. It all starts with lies

Your partner will start saying white lies; though it seems blatant, they won’t accept it. They make you believe what they are saying now is the reality and induce you to doubt your own memory. But because they’re so convincing, you start to believe it.

2. You will miss the real “YOU.”

At a certain point in time, you no longer feel like the person you used to be. All your likes and beliefs are abruptly changed by your gaslighter partner. This is the major sign of gaslighting in a relationship, they slowly change everything you believe. You will start losing your own identity.

3. They claim you’re crazy

You often wonder you are overreacting to small things or you are too emotional towards everything. This thought will affect you over and over again. But clearly, it the gaslighter’s strategy to confuse your mind. The gaslighter partner will create situations around you that make you encompass with a doubt of your own sanity.

4. Take you down over time

Each and everything you come across in a gaslighters abuse is not done in a single day; they take time to start from small things and builds slowly. Even the smartest people can be hooked by small lies without realizing it’s getting out of control. Because it’s conducted so slowly, the victim’s sense of reality eventually changes with time.

5. Reflect their mistakes on you

This is one of the gaslighting tactics in a relationship. A gaslighter personality always hides their mistake from the partner. To do them, they will start blaming bluntly on the partner with unrealistic issues. If a gaslighter husband is involved in a relationship with another woman, they blame their wife for cheating on them. This is the technique they used to make the victim busy proving them and get unnoticed by the abuser’s activities. They easily find fault in everything you do.

6. Manipulate your feeling towards people

A gaslighter may try to change the emotion you have about the things or people that you love. By doing this, they will eliminate the other source of love like a friend, a family member from you; by this way, you become more dependent only on them and their love. They make use of this situation to take control of you.

7. The false promises

As a part of gaslighting, the abuser makes a lot of false promises to the victim. But these promises are usually just another way to keep victims of gaslighting around so they will let their guards down while dealing with more abuse.

If you tend to observe these signs in your relationship, then you must take a self-test to know whether you are gaslit or not?

Gaslighting examples:

A gaslighter not always your husband/wife, it can be anyone, your family member or a friend, or a colleague. Whoever it may be, they clearly know where your button is, to push yourself to a degrading mind. You simply lose your mindfulness. These are some examples of how without your knowledge, someone can gaslit you.

1. Trivializing you - “Oh yeah!! Now you are going to feel sorry about yourself.”
2. Denying things they said earlier-” I didn’t say I would pick him from school; you lost your mind.”
3. Telling you that people talk behind your back- “ Do you know, the whole family is talking about you, they feel like you are losing your sanity.”
4. Purposefully hiding things- “ Oh! Not again, can’t you keep your keys safe.”

Gaslighting and Narcissism:

A gaslighter personality is someone who exhibits strong, charismatic traits, charming and hard to read kind of feel. They are highly manipulative individuals, Gaslighters often exhibit what many refer to as an authoritarian personality.

People with this personality type typically have high self-esteem and see no faults in themselves but find it very easy to point out others' faults or shortcomings. Also, they don't care about other people's emotions. They can't take criticism easily; they either overreact or blame the other person for that.

It mostly correlates with a Narcissistic personality disorder, so we can see overlaps of traits in both.

1. Both narcissist and a gaslighter have high self-esteem; they feel superior over the partner.
2. Frequent lies and exaggeration of things are other traits you can observe in both of them,
3. Taking control over the partner is their main motive,
4. Many narcissists and gaslighters enjoy getting away with violating rules and social norms.
5. Both narcissists and gaslighters tend to project false, idealized images of themselves to the world to hide their inner insecurities. They cannot take criticism easily.

Conclusion

Relationships are complex; the chance of finding your perfect partner is almost nil. But what makes people go through in life is the support and love you get from them. Not each lies you found from your partner is a gaslighting sign, but when you are continuously feeling low, confused, or stressed inside, it is better to take a pause and think about what is actually happening inside and outside. Being peaceful and mindful is the way to balance your inner harmony, so be aware of what you are going through and take necessary actions to solve that.

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