Are you in a Trauma Bond?

What is Trauma Bonding?

Being in love or loved by someone is a feeling beyond words, but sometimes emotional abuse is mistaken as love. Trauma bonding is a strong emotional attachment between an abused person and his or her abuser, formed due to the cycle of violence. Trauma bonding is something many people in abusive relationships don’t realize they are experiencing.

Trauma bonding is a term created by Patrick Carnes, who developed the term to describe how the “misuse of fear, excitement, and sexual feelings” can trap or entangle another person. Anyone who is in an abusive relationship can become trauma bonded to their abuser. Still, people who experienced traumatic relationships as children may be more prone to these types of bonds. After all, we already experienced these types of relationships with our parents or other caregivers, so our nervous system is already primed up to fall into the cycle.

Love Vs Abuse: Know the difference

Do you ever wonder why Love is considered a beautiful emotion of all? Because it can take any form at the needed time. It can take a friend's place, or support as a guardian, or pure love as a child’s heart. But you should be aware of whether you are in a hard love or an abusive love.

Possessiveness or jealousy that may look like your partner is extremely taking care of you, they may express all abusive behavior, but at the end, justifying with an “I love you.”

Signs you are in Trauma bond

If you doubt a trauma bonding, you must check these symptoms in your relationship.

“He doesn’t mean to get angry; it was my fault.”- you always try to justify the abusive behavior of your partner.

“He puts up with me and still loves me”- you make yourself believe stubbornly that whatever happens, you refuse to doubt your partner.

“He had a terrible childhood, I feel sorry for him”- every abusive person has a disturbed childhood, so glorifying it doesn’t help you in any means. They needed proper treatment, not your pity.

Even when you decide to leave the abusive relationship, they can easily change your decision with their fake tears and a fake promise to start everything from the beginning.

You change your own behaviors, appearance, and/or personality in an attempt to meet the abuser’s moving the goalposts, although the abuser rarely changes their own behavior to please you.

Breaking the Trauma bond

Getting yourself out of the trauma bonding is not so complicated as your relationship,

• Always take your time before falling in love with someone. Don’t jump straight into a serious relationship without completely knowing someone.
• Carefully look down for red signals that will warn you of the abusive behavior of your partner. Never take those red signals as normal; if the same abusive behavior was expressed more than one time, then you should really think.
• Respect is so important in any relationship, so ensure that you get mutual respect from your partner.
• Ensure what you hear is really what you get and that no hidden truths start popping up with excuses.

Conclusion

Love is all you need in life, but you should not lose everything from your self-respect, mental stability, peace for love. So, whom you are with doesn’t matter; it may be your partner, your sister, or a friend, but if you are constantly feeling insecure and negative when being with them, wake up!! Check for trauma bonding test, make sure you are in a healthy relationship.

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Try this template: Are you in a Trauma Bond?