How to overcome Trauma Bonding?
A bond is when two people are emotionally connected. You can use a bond to your advantage, or your abuser will use it against you. When you're in an abusive relationship, you create a bond with your abuser. If you have been in an abusive relationship, and want to learn how to cut that bond and stop the abuse, then read on. The key to overcoming trauma bonding with your abuser is leaving the relationship or ending it with them before the trauma bonding occurs.
What is Trauma Bonding?
Trauma Bonding is the emotional attachment that keeps you unable to break away from your abuser. Trauma bond develops out of a repeated cycle of abuse, devaluation, and positive reinforcement. Trauma bonding is a concept created by Patrick Carnes, who has coined a name that explains how "misuse of fear, excitement, and sexual feelings" can trap or entangle another human.
You build a bond with your abuser while you're in an abusive relationship. Anyone in an abusive relationship can become trauma attached to their abuser, but people who have endured traumatic relationships as children may be more vulnerable to these types of bonds.
What are the signs that show you are in a Trauma bond?
If you doubt a trauma bonding, you must check these symptoms in your relationship.
- “He doesn’t mean to get angry, it was my fault.”- you always try to justify the abusive behavior of your partner.
- “He puts up with me and still loves me”- you make yourself believe stubbornly that whatever happens, you refuse to doubt your partner.
- “He had a terrible childhood, I feel sorry for him”- every abusive person has a disturbed childhood, so glorifying it doesn’t help you in any means. They needed proper treatment, not your pity.
- Even when you decide to leave the abusive relationship, they can easily change your decision with their fake tears and a fake promise to start everything from the beginning.
- You change your own actions, appearance, and/or attitude in an effort to reach the goalposts of the abuser, while the abuser seldom changes his own behavior to please you.
Can you heal a Trauma Bond?
Healing from a trauma bond allows you to practice kindness and compassion for yourself. You can do a lot of things, too. Such as listing self-defeating habits so that you can easily fix them and write your thoughts and feelings in a journal. You have to start loving yourself and avoid self-blaming yourself for getting into an abusive relationship. Healing is definitely possible; trauma bonding is also a condition that can be reversed. But the healing starts from believing in yourself; begin taking baby steps that lead you to break the bond once for all.
5 Ways to overcome Trauma Bond
#1. Accept the existence of the bond
It is the first step in overcoming the trauma bond. You must look closely into your relationship grounds, you must ensure whether it is normal possessive behavior or a form o abusiveness. You can take a Trauma Bonding Test to find out an abusive relationship.
#2. Look from a third perspective
When you are in the problem, you can’t really get the exact picture. So take an outsider position and look into your relationship, you will get a different perspective of what you are going through. This helps you overcome the trauma bond.
#3. Get professional help
Although you may take steps to begin to weaken the trauma bond on your own, these bonds appear to hold fast. You might not find it easy to break free without professional help, and that's perfectly natural. Take help from the therapist, who can teach you more about the pattern of abuse, and make you understand the difference between normal behavior and an abusive one.
#4. Respect is so important in any relationship
so make sure that you get mutual respect from your partner. Concentrate more on your self-respect, do things that make you feel more self-esteem.
#5. Cut-off completely from the abuser
If you decide to leave, stop all the connections with your abuser. Create physical distance by finding a safe place to stay, such as with a relative or friend.
Love is everything you need in life, but you should not lose anything from self-respect, mental health, peace of love. So, who you're with doesn't matter; it could be your partner, girlfriend, or a friend, but if you're still feeling unsafe and aggressive when you're with them, wake up! Check for the trauma bonding test, make sure you're in a stable relationship.